Understanding and Coping with Cultural Bereavement

Jun. 18

Coming to Canada is viewed as a great privilege, a chance for a fresh start, or a life-changing opportunity. And yet the pain of leaving behind home, familiarity, and identity sits uncomfortably in your heart. This profound feeling is known as cultural bereavement, which arises when someone is separated from their culture and familiar surroundings. In this post, we'll explore what cultural grief is, its emotional and psychological impacts, and ways to cope with this unique form of grief.

What is Cultural Bereavement?

Cultural bereavement is the emotional distress experienced when an individual is separated from their cultural heritage, customs, and community. Imagine losing your ability to communicate or to understand the language being spoken around you. Or trying to decipher a writing system that looks like incomprehensible symbols. Imagine wanting to share a moment with your loved ones only to realize they’re thousands of kilometers away, separated by distance and time zones. This is experienced in different degrees by new settlers around the world. Some transitions may be less jarring than others, but the grief is still ever present.

Feelings of sadness, loneliness, and disorientation are common, as well as a longing for the familiar scents, sounds, and traditions of home. Like wanting your mom’s home cooking, drifting from restaurant to restaurant praying it will feel like your childhood. New settlers give up so much for many valid reasons, and their emotional distress can sometimes be discounted by others because of their bias towards life in Canada. “At least you’re safe here,” may be true for some, but new settlers can still mourn what it cost them to ensure that “safety.”

Imagine Blessie, who moved to Canada to build a life for herself and her child. Only the cost of living is too high in Canada, so her son remains in the Philippines with Blessie’s mother. As Blessie diligently works towards Permanent Residency, years pass. Her relationship with her son becomes strained by the distance, and Blessie pushes herself through exploitation, minimal living standards, and a solitary struggle to adapt. She can’t tell her family how hard her Canadian life is because the stakes for her success are too high. Ten years of separation and the day has finally come for her reunion with her son. Only she does not know this person, or maybe he doesn’t know her. This reunion of strangers can add to Blessie’s cultural loss. The strain on their relationship presents in raised voices, angry outbursts, or withdrawal. Maybe it’s easier for Blessie to dive into her work than to be confronted by the cost of her choice to migrate.

The Impact of Cultural Bereavement

The emotional and psychological effects of cultural bereavement can lead to an identity crisis, where individuals struggle to balance their cultural heritage with the new culture they are adapting to. Experiencing a deep sense of loss and longing for familiar places, people, and traditions is a normal response to migration.

It's completely normal to miss the comforting routines and beloved aspects of your culture. This longing reflects the deep connection you have with your roots. You may even experience prolonged feelings of sadness that can sometimes develop into depression. There’s also the anxiety one might experience around fitting into a new culture or fear of losing one’s cultural identity. Another emotional response to migration is guilt about leaving one's homeland or family behind, especially after deaths you couldn’t be present for. You might feel torn between your new life and the one you left behind. These feelings of guilt are common, and acknowledging them is the first step towards healing.

As stated earlier, an Identity Crisis can arise with cultural grief. There’s always a possibility that you may feel like you don’t fully belong to either culture. This identity crisis is a part of the journey towards finding a new, blended sense of self. But before re-integration or blending can be attempted, you need to be honest with yourself, and your values, and work towards coming to terms with your “new life.”

Imagine what it may feel like to be disoriented and confused in the new cultural environment. It's natural to feel lost when everything around you is different. From changes in currency, technology, or even unspoken societal rules, you must give yourself time to adjust and find your bearings. Getting lost is easier and struggling to find someone to help you is a genuine possibility.

Experiencing isolation and loneliness due to cultural differences and language barriers. Loneliness can be one of the hardest parts. Remember, reaching out and building connections can gradually ease this feeling. Join community groups, and find other people who share your interests (even if they aren’t culturally specific). Support groups for new settlers are an option, but sometimes they can hit too close to home. Maybe there’s something else for you that brings up echoes of the community you lost in your homeland here in Canada.

And let’s not forget the power that comes from mourning the loss of your previous life and the cultural aspects left behind. Grief is not just about losing people; it’s also about losing the world you knew. Allow yourself to mourn these losses. The loss of ease, or even the noise coming from the street. When I moved to my current town I was stressed by the quiet and the lack of pedestrians. Even though I moved within the same province the energy of my new community isn’t as vibrant as my previous community. Gone are the block parties, the scent of parking lot barbeques, or Caribbean music down the street. Now I hear cars passing by, birds, and the occasional dog barking at squirrels. I had sat in discomfort over the quiet until I realized I was in mourning. Non-death losses can look like never being told “God bless you, sweetie,” by an elderly Jamaican woman in a big hat. It could be looking into faces that don’t look like you, or being met with confusion over a non-English turn of phrase.

Challenges in integrating into the new society, feeling out of place. Finding your place in a new society takes time. Be patient with yourself as you explore and engage with your new surroundings.

Coping Strategies for Cultural Bereavement

So how do we work through this specific type of grief? It can be similar to processing death losses but with an emphasis on isolation. Who you have around you at the time of migration may result in higher reported feelings of loneliness. Listed below are coping strategies to support those experiencing cultural bereavement.

Acknowledging and Accepting Feelings:

It's important to acknowledge and accept your feelings of loss and longing as a natural response to a significant life change. It's essential to:

Validate your emotions without judgment.
Understand that these feelings are part of the adjustment process.
Allow yourself time to grieve and adapt to the changes.

Express Emotions Creatively: Use art, music, or writing to express your emotions. These creative outlets can help you process feelings in a non-verbal way.

Share Your Story: Talk about your experiences and feelings with trusted individuals or through platforms such as blogs or social media, fostering a sense of community and understanding.

Maintaining Connections:

Engage in cultural practices, cook traditional meals, or join community groups from your culture. Stay connected to your cultural roots by:

Engaging in cultural practices and traditions.
Cooking and enjoying traditional meals.
Joining community groups or organizations that represent your culture.

Language Practice: Continue using your native language by reading books, watching movies, or speaking with friends and family. This helps maintain a sense of identity and comfort.

Celebrate Cultural Festivals: Actively participate in cultural festivals and events, either virtually or in person, to keep traditions alive and feel a sense of belonging.

Building a Support Network:

Seek out friends, support groups, or counsellors who understand your experience and can provide empathy and guidance. Form a support system by:

Seeking friends who share similar experiences.
Joining support groups focused on cultural adjustment.
Finding counsellors who understand your background and can offer empathy and guidance.

Find a Mentor: Connect with someone who has successfully navigated a similar cultural transition. They can offer valuable insights and support.

Volunteer: Engage in volunteer activities within your community to build connections and contribute to a sense of purpose and belonging.

Self-Care and Mindfulness:

Incorporate self-care and mindfulness practices to manage stress and maintain emotional well-being:

Practice meditation to center your mind and reduce anxiety.
Journal regularly to process your thoughts and feelings.
Engage in regular physical exercise to boost your mood and energy levels.

Nature Therapy: Spend time in nature to reduce stress and improve mental clarity. Activities like hiking, gardening, or simply walking in a park can be very beneficial.

Create a Routine: Establish a daily routine that includes time for relaxation, hobbies, and self-care activities to provide structure and stability.

Professional Help:

Professional counselling can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies tailored to your unique situation. Consider seeking professional counselling to:

Explore your feelings in a safe, non-judgmental space.
Develop personalized coping strategies.
Receive guidance tailored to your unique situation.

Group Therapy: Consider joining group therapy sessions where you can share experiences and learn from others facing similar challenges.

Access Resources: Utilize available resources such as online counselling services, hotlines, or local mental health organizations that offer support and information.

Additional Strategies:

Engage in New Experiences

Explore Local Culture: Embrace the opportunity to learn about and engage with the local culture, which can enrich your experience and help you find common ground with others.
Take Up New Hobbies: Discover new hobbies or interests that you can enjoy in your new environment, helping you build new skills and meet people.

Foster Positivity

Practice Gratitude: Regularly reflect on and write down things you are grateful for. This practice can shift your focus to positive aspects of your life.
Stay Optimistic: Maintain a positive outlook and remind yourself that adjustment takes time. Celebrate small victories and progress along the way.

Cultural bereavement is a profound experience that many face when separated from their homeland. By acknowledging these feelings and seeking support, it's possible to find balance and peace. Navigating cultural adjustment requires a multi-faceted approach that acknowledges and embraces your feelings of loss and longing. Maintaining connections to your cultural roots through practices, traditional meals, and community groups can provide comfort and a sense of identity. Building a supportive network of friends, mentors, and counsellors who understand your experience is crucial for emotional support. Incorporating self-care and mindfulness practices such as meditation, journaling, and exercise helps manage stress and maintain balance. Seeking professional help, including individual and group therapy, offers tailored strategies for coping. Additionally, exploring local culture, trying new hobbies, and fostering a positive outlook can enrich your adjustment process. By integrating these strategies, you can navigate cultural transitions with resilience and find fulfillment in your new environment.

Remember, while the journey may be challenging, you are not alone. There is support and understanding available to help you through this. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments or contact me directly for support. Let's navigate this journey together.

Upcoming Events:

Balikbayan: An Intorduction to Migratory Grief

Location: Online/Virtual

Date: Saturday Jul 20, 2024

Time: Noon/Tanghali ET

Duration: 90-minutes

Fee: $20 per family

Charlene Patron